Mother, late son’s lover fight over cremated remains

THE ashes of a man who was cremated nearly a month ago remain at a mortuary as his 79-year-old mother and his live-in partner allegedly battle over who should take custody of his remains.

Busisiwe Dlamini, the mother of the late Kenneth Strydom, says the family has been unable to collect his ashes from Dups Funeral Home and Crematorium, amid a dispute with his live-in partner over where they should be kept.

According to Dlamini, her son, who had been living with his partner at KaPhola, died on September 28 following an illness. The couple had two children together.

She alleged that she was not informed that her son had been ill and only learnt about it after he had passed away.

Dlamini said she set out to find the place where her son had been staying with his partner. After locating the residence, she was allegedly informed by the woman that Strydom had expressed a wish to be cremated upon his death.

She said the family subsequently proceeded with the cremation at Dups Funeral Home and Crematorium. Dlamini said the cremation cost E18 000 and her son’s partner allegedly contributed E5 000, while she paid the remaining E13 000.

She further alleged that the details of one of Strydom’s children were used during the cremation arrangements and that the same child was responsible for obtaining his death certificate. According to Dlamini, the cremation was completed on October 1 after the necessary paperwork had been finalised and payment made.

He said the family was reportedly given 30 days within which to collect the ashes.

However, the ashes remain at the mortuary, with the collection deadline approaching, as the two sides have allegedly failed to agree on who should take custody of them.

Dlamini said she wanted her son’s ashes to be kept at the Strydom family cemetery, which she described as a neutral place that would allow the family to honour his memory while also accommodating his children from a previous relationship who live in South Africa.

She alleged that her son’s partner, on the other hand, wanted the ashes kept inside a wardrobe at her home, so that they would remain close to the children.

The dispute has reportedly also complicated the collection process, as Dlamini claimed that the funeral home could not release the ashes to her because Strydom’s child, whose details were used during the arrangements, was required to sign for their release.

“She is using her 18-year-old child to claim ownership of the ashes while I, Strydom’s mother, am still alive,” she said.

Dlamini expressed concern that keeping the ashes at the mortuary for longer could result in additional storage costs, which the family fears it may have to shoulder. She said this was particularly worrying because the family had already contributed the larger share of the cremation expenses.

Beyond the disagreement over the ashes, Dlamini alleged that her son’s partner had been unwilling to meet with her and the Strydom family to resolve the matter, despite having children with the deceased, which belong to the Strydom family.

She said the family’s immediate appeal was for the woman to release the necessary paperwork to enable them to collect the ashes and take them to the family cemetery.

Dlamini said they had sought assistance from the office of the Directorate of Public Prosecutions (DPP), where they were reportedly referred to a senior legal officer, who advised them to approach Legal Aid for guidance.

The family is now appealing for assistance to engage lawyers who could help them institute an urgent application before the High Court to resolve the dispute and secure the release of the ashes.

Dlamini said they wanted the court to grant them permission to take the ashes home, where the family believes the deceased rightfully belongs.

Meanwhile, efforts to reach Strydom’s live-in partner were unsuccessful, as her cellphone rang unanswered when she was repeatedly contacted yesterday.