There are certain cultures around the world which demand that the woman you marry must be pure and have never been touched by another man.
Some practices would be conducted to ensure the young lady comes with the desired status to the guy she is getting married to.
Our own local culture, notwithstanding the fact that such ain’t enforced and tested, held it that women bring with themselves purity and proven celibacy to marriage.
Consequently, the woman you marry must have her first sexual experience with you and not destined in her lifetime to let any other man have carnal knowledge of her whilst you as the first husband lives.
Such stringent demands do not necessarily extend to the masculine gender, though, they too, come unto the stable expected to be as fit and proper to manage the desires of the woman in the longevity of their marriage.
Societal Scales has it here that this cultural holding does not obtain anymore. Most marriages ensue from a perspective of ‘second hand’ status.
Your wife or husband presents themselves to you as damaged goods and abused from previous use.
Their stamina for the road ahead, therefore, is not only insufficient but also threatening to the very union.
You see, a man who marries a woman who already has a child with another man invites the latter as a third party in their marriage. Your wife shall ever be dealing with this fella ngoba wati yena kucala kunawe and passion gave them both a soul they cannot wish away ngekutsi loyi sengumfati wakho.
It is not strange that a woman in her matured 20s willing to get married to you comes with three children from different paternity. That woman is second hand, and previous owners shall be claiming a stake in her life as and when opportunity avails itself!
A young lady Ntandoyenkosi couldn’t resist the charm of a young dashing police officer Mjujumezi Sibeko who had been transferred to the place and joined her church from another branch. He was also active in the church that the pastor made use of him in many programmes kulelibandla.
When he proposed for marriage, there was no objection from the Man of the Cloth and was even excited the candidate was his very own youth leader uNtando omuhle, okholwayo.
There was a dilemma though – young man had not confessed to the woman and the pastor that he was a father to eight brats begotten from eight love pillows all over the country. Kutsiwa sonkhe siteshi labephoyisa khona lojaha kwakuba nentfombatana abeyiphoyisa ize ifike ezezeni esibhedlela and he would apply for a transfer to another police station in a different region.
The baby mamas were equally beautiful but also stubborn, crazy, demanding and could be anything baby mamas can be to spoil the party.
This prayerful woman was inheriting all these characters unto this new marriage she was embarking. This was a ‘second hand’ marriage with a husband overly used and indulged across societies and feminine personalities.
The young man barely into this relationship and proposing to marry comes forward with a long sexual history, failed relationships, judgemental behaviour when things do not go his way and can quit anytime. He is not new in this game, if he has done it before usengakwenta nakuwe akushiye nendandatho; he has been quitting relationships all along.
In his dating life, the young man may have been a victim of a plethora of venereal diseases some of which were not totally healed. He comes to bed limping, his Third Leg the most unstable and not fit and proper for purpose.
Labanye bobabe nabomake come to the marital stable from another union.
The woman has been divorced and still believes in love and marriage, here she is with you. Believe Scales, she is apt to retrace her steps some day and find solace from the former husband.
She would have found you wanting in many aspects, after all she is coming unto a second-hand aspect of her marriage. You see, return soldiers once re-enlisted will draw from past guerrilla experience to fight current battles.
Your ‘second-hand’ wife shall ever be comparing you with her ex-lovers and you never get the best of her.
No matter how flamboyant your ceremony is with this guy who seems to have it all, he has been and is somebody else’s husband. He has not completely severed the ties with the other woman and before you know he shall be sued for bigamy.
You shall always be involved as new wife in your husband’s previous love battles, some he may have confessed on, others he left and thought they will never resurface.
There are children too from these unions, bayamati uyise, bayakwati nawe, batsi wabhidlita umshado webatali babo.
Scales can bet you a dime, there is nothing fresh about today’s marital joineries. The previous life of each part renders marriages ‘second hand’ status even if they ain’t clear cut polygamous settings.
The guy losashiywe bafati labatsatfu and marrying you as a fourth candidate is very much considered a husband with one of them.
What do you expect to come out of this setup? He is used to be leaving women and can do the same with you.
It would seem to Scales that everyone enjoys the wedding and not the journey that ensues thereof.
Iyakhatimula, idule iswenkelwe imishado yalonyaka kodvwa ayikhonsi! They are branded ‘second hand’ from the onset.
Assuming marriage from this disadvantaged position, “second hand,” parties come with a high body count.
If the husband were to be acquainted with the number and characters of men you have dated before him uvele angenwe ngemanti emadvolweni.
What of this woman who couldn’t bear children, that prayer, medication, and consultation could not help?
Until the husband consulted this Medical Specialist, he didn’t know his wife would never conceive for in her youthful stages she conducted abortions wherein she was corroded and would never get a child.
After confession between husband and wife, he opted for another wife. Guys who have children with every woman out there are garnished to a zero net pay.
Whatever you plan with such a man, you are going to fund it yourself as his wife. Nguwe kuphela losahola kulomuti, lona lowakutsatsa wondla bantfwabakhe ngemgobo wabonina.
Matatamisa Mamba came unto his second marriage nelibhantshi emkhonweni for LaManyatsi his ex-wife, an attorney abemhulule konkhe lakewakusebentela emphilweni yakhe.
It took all his new wife could do to re-establish the guy, yet at the smallest amount of money he got abevakala asabubula ngebantfwabakhe kuLaManyatsi.
This kind of nostalgia vexed and messed up his new wife wacala kusebentela nekubeka kwakhe yedvwa etsala.
You are not going to build anything solid nendoda yabafazi. His future keeps on bringing the other woman unto your plans. As soon as the marriage begins lomake uvele atifihlele kwakhe lest lomuntfu lo abuyele kumfati wakhe nebantfwabakhe.
Nomakula disappeared for a whole week after the demise of her former husband and those knowledgeable batsi abekafukeme. This came to the shock of her boyfriend who had already sent his people kubodzaze ayemcela. She had never divulged kutsi ulibuya!
